Piadas - Ismael's Oakland Raiders Page

PIADAS DO FUTEBOL AMERICANO

Coach Mariucci looked over to his star player and said, "I know I'm not supposed to let you play since you failed math but we need you in there. How about I ask you a math question to prove you know your math so you can play?" The player agreed and the coach asked the following question, "Okay, what is 2+2?" The player thought for a moment and then he answered, "4." Suddenly, all the other Whiners on the team began screaming, "Come on coach, give him another chance!"

Top Ten San Diego Chargers Excuses (David Letterman - Monday, January 30, 1995)

10. Thought we were going to be playing against them Budweiser bottles.
9. We were frightened and disoriented by halftime show.
8. Some kid in section E, row 11 kept yelling, "Chargers suck!"
7. Wanted to get billion-dollar endorsement deals because of who we are, not because we won some stupid game!
6. If only we'd had Shapiro and Cochran on defense.
5. Ate free bags of Doritos until we were sick to our stomachs.
4. Have you ever seen a Super Bowl ring up close? Piece of crap.
3. Hard to concentrate when you're having erotic fantasies about Kathie Lee.
2. Pre-game pep talk by Marv Levy.
1. We've already been to Disneyland.

NFL Just Announced the San Francisco 49ers' 2000 Schedule!!

SEPTEMBER 12.............Fisher Jr. High School 19.............Cub Scout Troop 501 26.............California Blind Academy	OCTOBER 3.............Spanish American War Vets 10.............Crippled Children's Home 17.............Saint Joseph's Hospital 24.............Denver Broncos
NOVEMBER 7.............CA VD Clinic Post #3 14.............Oakland Boys Choir 21.............Korean Amputees	SPECIAL MONDAY NIGHT GAME DECEMBER 5.............California's Christian Women's Assoc.

RULE CHANGES FROM LAST YEAR
1) When playing polio patients, 49ers must not disconnect knee braces.
2) When playing the blind academy, 49ers must not hide the football under their jerseys.

RULES THE SAME FROM LAST YEAR
1) A touchdown (this is when the ball is carried overthe goal line, for all you 49ers fans who've forgotten what this is still worth 6 points.
2) The 49ers will be allowed 20 "men" on the field at all times.
3) The 49ers will be allowed to substitute with cheerleaders at any time during the course of the game.
4) The 49ers will be awarded a first down with each gain of 3 yards

NAME CHANGE
The San Francisco 49ers will be changed to the San Francisco Tampons, as they are only good for one period and have no second string!

PLAYER CHANGES
Jeff Garcia will be replaced by Monica Lewinsky. She no doubt will blow a few, but she won't choke on the big ones.

Q: What's the difference between the Buffalo Bills and a dollar bill?
A: You can still get four quarters out of a dollar.

You know you're a Denver Donkey fan when:

- You have the entire WWF slurpie cup collection proudly displayed on a shelf in your trailer.
- You think that canned meat on a saltine is an hors d'ouerve.
- Your home has more miles on it than your car.
- You think safe sex is a padded headboard.
- The only time you wear a suit, you hear the words "Will the defendant please rise!"
- You let your twelve year old daughter smoke at the dinner table, in front of her kids.
- You look upon a family reunion as a chance to meet Ms. Right.
- Your Junior and Senior prom had a daycare.
- You consider your license plate personalized because your dad made it in prison.

Application to Become a Green Bay Packers Fan

A Stanford football player was trying to pick up a coed at a fraternity party when she told him that she was much more turned on by academic types than dumb jocks. "So," she said, "what's your G.P.A.?" The jock smiled and said, "I get about twenty-five in the city and forty on the highway!"

Q: What do you call 47 people sitting around a TV watching the Super Bowl?
A: The Dallas Cowboys

Q: What's Jerry Jones' biggest concern?
A: Does bail money count against the salary cap?

Q: What do you call a drug ring in Dallas?
A: A huddle.

Q: Four Dallas Cowboys are in a car. Who's driving?
A: The police.

Q: Why can't Michael Irvin get into a huddle on the field anymore?
A: It is a parole violation for him to associate with known felons.

Doctors say that because of Michael Irvin's broken clavicle, it will be 6-8 weeks before he can videotape a teammate having sex.

I understand Chicago is trying to sign Michael Irvin. They got rid of the refrigerator and now they want a coke machine.

Q: What's the difference between a SF Forty Niner fan and a baby?
A: Eventually the baby stops whining.

Three men die, and they are in heaven before St. Peter. St. Peter questioned each man:

St. Peter (to the first man): What is your IQ?
First man: 210.
St. Peter: Wow! That's really high! We should discuss the Theory of Relativity sometime.

St. Peter (to the second man): What is your IQ?
Second man: 170.
St. Peter: Well, maybe we could discuss the fundamentals of Quantum Mechanics sometime.

St. Peter (to the third man): What is your IQ?
Third man: 70.
St. Peter: Well... How about those San Francisco Forty-Niners?

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